Letters to Heaven

Stand.

“I will lie down and sleep in peace. Lord, you alone keep me safe.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭NIRV‬‬

Static static. Limbo. Faith in what I know.

Epiphany. There are so many moments when I look back at something I said or did and think, " I really screwed that up... I could have said things differently and now I may never have the chance to resolve things to reflect my true intent. Today I thought back over ways I adressesed the unknowns in my relationship with Morgan. The what ifs. I know now that rather than spending time reminiscing on regret, on shame and what I think may be failure that I should instead steadfastly grow. I should consider those things of course but, those perceived errors may not actually be errors. They could actually be redirection from the universe. Redirection for both of us. Those things I saw as failures could actually be Grace working on fulfilling a master plan far greater than either of us could have imagined. See the things that occur but, let not your perception of whether they were right or wrong deter you from moving forward. Continue to lay a foundation built upon sediment of expectancy. Believe.

All things are possible through Christ. Trust, wait.

Can my heart for love align to thy will?

Release. My heart aches but, it is right to trust my life in His hands.

Not that it is owed to me, nor do I deserve it based on my prior actions but, by His Grace I am made whole. By His Grace I base my sense of humble expectancy, because of His promises, because of His nature.

You know my heart God.

My mind is filled with a firestorm of thoughts. Sometimes God allows us to move close to the edge of the fire, almost to the point where we feel we might get burned but, He won't allow it, He just wants us to see how determined our adversary is, how hot his jealousy and anger burns, and, even more, though determined and fierce, still unable to touch us. Gods mighty hand is here to intervene. We must understand the intensity of the flames before we can truly appreciate His quenching water.

Never become attached to anything that continues to hurt God.

hum drum. slowly and steadily.

In the small things is where I reside. Diligent and consistent, preparing for the time to move forward. A house in order.

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.

God is God.

Believe. Steadfast, in faith. In silence.

I am ready for action. Enough intellectualizing, theorizing. The thoughts will ever swirl but, containment and direction comes by way of your guidance; discernment.

I have been brought to a place of silence. My innards ached, wanting to scream words. To use the power of the tongue to try to control all that surrounds. Fear is what drives this urge, so I sit in silence refusing to let fear have a voice.

Fear can whisper as much as it wants into my ear, into the thoughts of my mind, but it has no place on my tongue - there shall be no breath given to it.

Nothing happened today. I may have experienced slight heat stroke even, it was hot out. Nevertheless, I am at peace. Peace with the winds swirling around me, because I look up in the eye of the funnel and I see the sun, I see the Son.

The timing of everything doesn't make much sense to me but, it's perfect, in its own way, in Your way, for Your perfect purpose.

shalom: wholeness, completeness, balance, healing, well-being, tranquility, prosperity, security, and justice. 


Pacific Daylight Time

I hear nothing, I see nothing, I am nothing...

take me beyond my personal sphere, to a place of caring for the world around me.

one day at a time.

the routine is gaining consistency. focus feels good today thus far. try not to overthink things and focus on the simple things and move forward.

welp. that was a stupid escalation. i upset my love. i hope she has patience. i pray for grace.

Over and over again God has to teach us how to stand and endure, watching actively and wondering. It is always a wonder when God answers prayer. We hear people say, “We must not say it is wonderful that God answers prayer”; but it is wonderful. It is so wonderful that a great many people believe it impossible.


Like approaching the sun with my eyes open,
afraid of the damaging effects long told.
The science behind the glare,
the definitely "do not stare!"
In all of this,
aside from the voices that surround me,
the coaches,
the mentors,
the parents,
my peers,
there is a strange peace that resides in my soul,
a still small voice of comfort.
Guiding me forward,
whispered assurances of safety,
heavenly calm.

open up then eyes,
to the sky above,
though my peers scowl,
look to the sky,
take in the sun,
for it is but one of the few things promised,
unrealized by man.

...wonderfully brisk,

It is amazing the battle that rages in the mind on daily basis. Gusts of thoughts, trying to influence our direction. When we were younger we did not notice this battle as much. We did what we wanted when we wanted, paying no attention to consequence. We, like the seeds of the dandelion, are blown effortlessly in the wind, skipping along, appearing to have no idea of our destination, the slivers of us sent back to root.

As I've aged, much of me has fallen back to earth along the way, some in rocks, some washed away in streams, and some, thankfully, plotted in bountiful soil. I realize now that the wind never really controlled the final resting place of those many parts of me. I chose the destinations because I was unaware of the consequences, or maybe, aware but, irresponsible and irreverent. In this, with what pieces of me are left, I am reminded:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

Viktor Frankl

"Many claim to have unfailing love,

Unfailing love without faithfulness? Impossible. It seems to me that one cannot even approach the footstool of love without a faithful nature. Faithful in routine, with fleshly ways beaten into submission - disciplined.

Days where my flesh leads and waking meditations are avoided, my mind stumbles as if it were wading through a swamp of fruitless thought. Bogged down.

Faithful routine creates in my mind a warm fluid stream that is a spring to my soul - effortless wading, buoyant, and revitalizing.

As I asked for love to be the one true thing that I be so humbly allowed to experience in life, so may I request strength to be diligent in the things that allow me to be in it's presence. Allow for me the strength to be faithful.

I tossed and turned with a stomach longing for love. I realized that is how You long for me. To be in communion with You, with desire and admiration. It is a love I cannot comprehend and that is why it overwhelms me, You overwhelm me. It isn't something my mind can try to contain. It floods my thoughts to the point that there is nothing else but, love and the longing to be near it, in its presence, in Your presence.

14,396 days on the earth. I'm ashamed of the time I've wasted not admiring all that You have given but, I promise to do my best to try not to waste another moment of it. I'm humbled by Your grace.

Every beat of my heart, massaged by Your gentle hand is a blessing.